I remember sitting in church as a little girl and listening to the pastor talk about God. I don't remember many details of those endless hours, the pastor's eloquence or the sermon text, but I do remember getting the distinct impression that this God character was in charge. Also, you didn't really want to contend with Him. This was a real problem for me. I was use to being in charge, even at that tender age, and ordering my own life. In fact, when I made the decision to follow Him at the age of seven, I remember thinking "this may not be the best idea. Are you really sure you want to go all the way here?" I had the impression that the walk of faith would take me further than I wanted to go and require more from me than I wanted to give. And so it has.
These last few months in my walk of faith have been eye-opening for me. I am amazed that the God of the Universe would chose to call me by name, as it says in Isaiah "He names" me. I wonder - did I ever really exist before He called my name? I have felt for a long time that I was waiting around for something, and now I know that it was God all along. But I am stubborn and I want to order my own life. I often run the other way when I see Him coming, because let's face it, my way, for a season, is the easiest.
But He will not be ignored. And he will not be ignored. And in the end, He will not be ignored. Sometimes he takes you into the valley to show you His majesty and worthiness, and sometimes He takes you to the mountaintop. Recently I have had a mountaintop experience. But now I am in the valley. This is not to say that my skies are overcast and my heart is heavy, far from it. Instead, I am remembering the works of God on the mountain, and coming to know His character in the valley.
I think about Moses before the burning bush. How could he not believe in God in light of this miraculous sign? God showed Moses His mighty power, and then God took him to the wilderness. Why? To show Moses His character. In the same way, God promised Abraham some pretty hefty things, and then made him wait. Why? To show Abraham His character. God is a God who keeps His promises. When He says He'll make you a great nation, He'll make you a great nation. When He says He'll lead you out of bondage, He'll lead you out of bondage. It just might take some time. You may be tempted to contend with Him, or try to explain His ways, but it never works.
Sometimes I bow under the weight of all that I don't understand about God. Sometimes I want to be on the mountaintop when everything seemed to be so much easier. But like all mountaintops, the air is so shallow. It isn't until I descend into the valley that I can breath deeply of God's goodness, His character, and know who He is. I stand up taller when I think I have Him all figured out, and cry in pain when His ways are difficult to explain. But in the end I must remember that He will never turn away from doing me good, I am His chosen one, His servant in whom He delights, for I have the life of His Son dwelling in me.
Today I got a letter from a friend who is struggling with depression and suicide. Last week I received a phone call from my mom who is still reeling from the painful disintegration of her marriage. A few years ago my brother's life was in shambles because of sin. A decade ago I was an angry teen with an emotional abusive father. Two decades ago my daddy died. Who has the remedy for all of these maladies? None on earth that I know. I want to give my mom, my friend, my brother, my own self, answers from my own "deep" well of wisdom, but I fail. The best thing I can do for these and myself is to point us to the One who holds all the answers and His unfailing Word.
I often have to remind myself not to worry so much about explaining the ways and means of God. Is He easy to explain? No. Are the valleys fun? No. Are they necessary? Yes, to the life of Christ in me, they are. The mountaintops give me a view of His marvelous works, the valleys let me come to know Him as my exceedingly great reward.
Be encouraged.
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